Blueberries Diary 06.

So its quite a long time i didnt write anything new in this diary. If i remember well my last post was something at the end of my ‘baker life in Brighton’ around last November. OMG so many things happened since… let me do some ‘catch up’ a bit with Christmas and Copenhagen and Noma blablabla…

So i left Brighton and my ‘nightshift baker life’ ended. I had lots of hope for a lovely family Christmas – as i didnt spend this time of the year back home in the last 10ish years. Plus my longest visit was 5days on top – not like this time, almost a whole month!!!! So i was very excited…. but soon things got a bit cloudy and dark and i was starting to get stressed out again.

My mum is having serious issues with alcohol and you know… this proplem doesnt come thru online chat or phone call while you talking for a couple of minutes and just having hihihi hahaha and how amazing life is. But when u move back to your childhood room packed with your memories and letters and pictures and dreams… and you facing with your elder parents every day in every circumstances and you see how much they did grow old during that time you spent away ‘living your own life’…. that was the point when stress was sneaking around me again.

But let me jump back to my tummy. This is all about anyway. So leaving my instable working hours, stopped working during the night and my digestion almost became normal. Like, very good lets say. I stopped every sort of diet, i started to eat everything again, gluten, dairy, sugar… wine. Everything with moderation – i didnt want to have a family Christmas full of meal restrictions so i thought to give a go. And was actually working out pretty good. Was doing yoga almost every day (i did suffer for some fatigue and dizzyness in some days) and my digestion looked pretty okey. Didnt want to get into any fight with Mum because of the obvious reasons (this was a mission impossible unfortunately) so i was even put my head down when it was about to eat meat. I was literally just going with the flow and saying nothing. Trying to save the ‘fake peace’ even for just a little while.

So at that time i was taking some supplements to support my hormon balance (PCOS) and vitamins. Lets say that to the end of the year i hardly had any bloated belly issues or tummy pain (not talking about my broken heart and family stress :(((. Using the contraception ring make my period happen again and again once every month (i still hate my blood week though). Then i managed to fly to Denmark and launch a brand new year there.

I started my internship at the restaurant Noma from the 4th of January in Copenhagen. “Started” but its not really ‘the internship’ what everyone was expecting. Lockdown kept streching out a bit further and further more in each every month and we got more and more frustrated. But slow it down.

beloved belly

So i arrived in the 31st of December. My digestion was brilliant. I WAS FULL OF EXCITEMENT AND EXPECTATIONS AND DREAMS! I was the happiest person in the whole world i bet! Everything was great. I started to put on an ‘everyday yoga’ habit, every morning at 8am i started my 45 minutes yoga session. We live next to a church and the bell goes on first at 8am every single morning (except Sunday – its 9am) – so i have a very personal alarm to push me down to the yoga mat. But i love it. It is just great as it is. So phase1. is ‘perfection’.

Started phase2 – lockdown extension. FUK. Big time. Plus we started to clean the kitchen. With a toothpick. From top to bottom. Full disappointment. Nerve and anger. I started to get weird never felt pain in my pelvic area and in my tummy. Sometimes bloated balloon effect. Sometimes. I started to worry a bit more about this pain so i went to see a private doctor to check upon my ‘ovaries’ – i was assuming that the pain caused by my PCOS. Never experienced before so wanted to calm myself down – that really not my ovaries exploding by the millions of cycts inside :))))))) – Doctor said she feels everything fine and possibly i wont die tomorrow (by this pain). LOL. Also my lower back got inflamed badly and from time to time got very difficult to get up from the mat after yoga. Also was blaming my PCOS. Started to focus on that area in yoga streches and inverting other supportive exercises – when i decided better to reduce my yoga ‘intake’ to 4times a week and let my back rest to see if anything changes.

Well. Nothing changed at the beggining – at least not in life. Lockdown extended again. Phase3. We became super desparate. Depressed. Down. The weather doesnt help as its still very cold and snowing all the time (no spring, no foraging option). My digestion started to get worse. Havent changed my diet at all – maybe was eating bit more of this absolutely fabulous nordic style rye bread – but thats it. Healthy, fibrous, fresh. Cycling to Noma every day plus doing yoga. My belly bloated. Now all the time. 24/7 pretty much.

One good news is – my lower back pain starts to fading away…. definitely good not to overwork and overstrech. Also i started to do a second internship in the very cool Hart bagery during every weekend starting crazily early – no chance for my yoga but cycling more. More exercise, more pastries LOL. So my dizzy head and muscle pain feels less and less. Just like how my belly grow bigger and bigger. It is absolutely insane. If it would not be me i rather say – this ‘happening’ is spectacular. I SEE HOW MUCH MY MENTAL HEALTH IS REFLECTED ON MY BODY. And feels like my weakest point is the digestion. So…. i have a plan. Again.

A new diet i actually havent tried yet. Adviced by my very amazing baker Henriii. Its the Ayurvedic diet. I did some quiz and i came out 50-50% Vata and Pitta types so i will try this one out. I mean i spent the whole day reading about it and everything what it said its about what my nutritionist Sally adviced me from the beggining. I feel like im more Vata in the winter and more Pitta in the summer (if its possible at all?) so now i will follow these rules… like

  • cook everything and avoid raw things
  • very low gluten intake
  • high fat and dairy intake
  • no dried fruits but yes to overripe fresh fruits
  • good oil yes – avocado, nuts, seeds
  • white meat, seafood, egg
  • lots of water and herbal teas
  • low alcohol and coffee

Thats it pretty much. And of course the most important – spending time with the meal and enjoy it. Every bit. No snacking, eating each meals between 3-5 hours, not using very spicy ingredients and not overeat ever – but eat only when u feel hungry. These are my rules. I can make tiny exemptions when it leads me to satisfaction and joy. Like a glass of wine or a tiny piece of chocolate once in a while. Its fine – no guilt. Everything starts with small steps and the hardest part will be keeping my faith and not judge myself. Just give some time and relax.

I am beautiful nomatter what’.. Just have to work more on my ‘mental strength’ to cut loose this weird and strong connection between my stress level and bloated belly. IT IS INSANELY INTERESTING – but let me just get rid of it please. Pretty please. I can do it.

Open up your mouth…!

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